Football jerseys? No. A thousand times no.

On an attractive woman? Yes.

On former members of the A-Team? No.

The AG knows you’re stuck in front of the TV right now, surrounded by a gaggle of empty longnecks and several P. Terry’s wrappers. Don’t worry, the AG is right there with you. (Didn’t you see the tweet where we were pulling for Drew?) Since we’re all biting our nails hoping that Favre doesn’t pull out any more miracle passes, this post will be brief.

There is a disturbing trend that a gentleman can’t help but notice while watching any NFL game, be it pre-season, regular- or post-. The AG is speaking, of course, about grown men wearing sports jerseys.

Don’t. Just don’t. There should be no rebuttal rolling of your tongue right now. Why? Because you’re a grown man. Nay, a grown-ass man, and that title comes with certain responsibilities. One of those is certainly to avoid dressing like your nine year-old son.

Wearing a jersey says many things. Namely, that you’re not too keen on tucking in your shirt. That’s like saying you’re not too keen on brushing your teeth or saying “yes sir” to your betters.* The worst part is, they don’t even look good. Why drop $80, $90 or $100 on an XXL social red-flag? There has to be a cheaper way for you to scare women away.

Exceptions to the rule? The AG would allow the donning of a sports jersey only if you are A) a female, B) not yet in high school or C) at a Halloween party.

Way’s to avoid this sartorial catastrophe and still support your team? A great maxim for this situation—actually, for all situations—is to keep your logos simple. A burnt orange polo with a small white longhorn beats a Colt McCoy jersey any day. Though I guess it would be a Garrett Gilbert jersey, now…

The bottom line, gentlemen, is that no matter the environment, you should be keeping it classy. Untucked, mesh shirts with giant letters and even bigger numbers? Classy, they are not. Go ahead and pass those jerseys down to your son, nephew or court-appointed dependent.

Now, it’s time to stop worrying about how Favre still throws bombs at 41 and start living life better.

*Please stop reading—and visiting—this blog if the aforementioned items don’t bother you.

~ by An Austin Gentleman on January 24, 2010.