Man’$ be$t friend$

Does this dog look like he needs special blankets or a DVD playing in his kennel? Hell no.

Let’s just get something out on the table: The AG loves dogs.

…but there’s love, and then there’s stupidity.

Recently, KGSR* ran an ad for a brand-new, top of the line downtown-Austin vet/boarding facility…which shall remain nameless. This facility offered the “very best in luxury animal care” and catered to the “downtown Austin dog lover”. Should be right up an urban gentleman’s alley, right?

Live downtown? Check. Got a dog? Check. Need somewhere to board your dog while traveling for business/vacationing with your gal/gambling away your son’s college fund in Vegas? Check.

It all sounds well and good… until you find out it costs about $65/night. Oh, and make that $75 if you have to pick up the dog on a Sunday.

Now, before you stop reading because you’ve decided the AG is just a cheapskate who doesn’t love his dog enough, consider the following. In Austin—and presumably Dallas, Houston, etc—the average cost for overnight dog boarding is about $25, with a few exceptions closer to $30. So where’s the rub for this new facility? Who’s going to pay 2x-3x the going rate to board their pup overnight? Morons, that’s who.

Here, a sampling of the “luxuries” this new facility is said to provide:

  • Cage-free environment (are you housing dogs or raising organic chickens?)
  • Different color schemes and artwork in each kennel
  • TV/DVD combo to play your pet’s favorite flick (“Sprinkles just LOVES You’ve Got Mail!”)
  • 24-hour webcam access (in case you don’t get enough of watching them lick themselves at home)

They even offer accommodation to your dog’s specific feeding, medical and husbandry needs. Kids, make sure you consult mom or dad before you Google that last term.

Perhaps the AG is just old fashioned, or perhaps the patrons of this new business are all third-string in the game of life. It’s your call. As a lifelong dog owner, though, the AG doesn’t really see the point of all that nonsense. Sure, kids these days are needy little brats with an unholy addiction to technology, but dogs? No, no, no. Dogs don’t want to look at a Monet or a Picasso on the wall. They don’t want to watch a marathon of Top Chef reruns. Dogs want the same thing today as they did 100 years ago—to run, eat and sleep. And guess what? Every other boarder in town is going to let them do just that.

So let your local vet or standard boarder take care of your dog, give the DVDs to some fat, lazy kid and start living life better.

*Austin-only tip: 93.3 KGSR—formerly 107.1—is the best radio station in Austin. Did you see any caveats in that sentence? Didn’t think so.

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~ by An Austin Gentleman on May 10, 2010.

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